Temper Temper
by Gafthat
Summary: Short fic that started with Ratchet, John Keller and Wheeljack. Chapter 3 is now here, Red Alert is paranoid and Ironhide and Ratchet get caught up, Sideswipe continues plotting.
1. Temper

Hi, first time I'm writing for this fandom and second fanfic I have ever wrote so don't hesitate to point something out if I get something wrong, thanks.

Random parings generator; **Ratchet / John Keller / Temper.**

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Ratchet was once again slumped over his work. He'd been bombarded with medical reports ever since the others had started landing and to put it mildly he was not in the best of moods.

He finished the data pad he'd been working on and stood, for the last three hours he'd been sat at his desk trying to finish this particular medical report. Trust Wheeljack to blow half the base up 4 hours after he had arrived leaving Ratchet to pick up the pieces and weld his sorry aft back together.

He walked out of his office into the med bay taking note that it had been too quiet for too long, meaning that the also recently arrived twins were up to something.

Wheeljack lay on one of the tables constructed in the corner, the machines attached to him bleeping quietly. Ratchet walked over and checked him making sure not to disturb the recharging mech.

"Of all the bots in the galaxy I had to end up with the one that blows himself up on a regular basis." He softly growled.

"Yeh, I heard about that too. Nearly took up half of the base with him" a voice sounded from behind.

Ratchet spun caught off guard for a moment before looking down to the ground to see Keller minus the usual military personnel that surrounded him.

"Defence Secretary John Keller. Was there something that you wanted?"

Ratchet stood looking across the room at he man who now seemed to shy away slightly under the speculative gaze of the CMO.

"No. No nothing, just came to see if our friend there had recovered yet, from what I heard it was a nasty explosion and he was right at the centre."

"He is most times," was the sarcastic reply "but in answer to your question yes he will be ok, I had to clean his intake valves of soot and other debris that got lodged in there but that seemed to be the worst of the damage, the fragger is always lucky, although he's come close to seeing the matrix a couple of times now."

Noticing the slightly puzzled look on Keller's face he decided to simplify, "He just needs a couple of cycles and he will be back to blowing up the base."

"So, he err... does this a lot then?" Keller shuffled his feet looking at the huge mech spread out on the table before him.

"Wheeljack has been known to cause numerous explosions in the immediate vicinity he is stationed at, but he is a good mech and a valued member of our team. On more than one occasion his inventions have come in useful against the Decepticons."

"So he's a bit of a volatile character then?" Keller joked.

Ratchet paused analysing the comment.

"No I don't believe he has a…" he paused searching for the right words, "…short temper." he stated evenly.

Keller blinked and sighed, how a highly evolved race of giant sentient robots could take everything so literally was beyond him. Maybe it was because hey were machines, they needed to think about things logically. Then again this particular giant alien robot seemed to have sarcasm down to a T from some of the comments he'd heard him say around the base.

Maybe they did it just to annoy and confuse the humans, yes that must be it. They all sat around after and discussed the stupid expressions the humans pulled as they tried to come up with rational explanations for every day things. This bizarre thought almost made him laugh out loud, come to think of it though humans did do some pretty stupid things.

"No I meant…"

He was interrupted by a mechanical groan from the table followed by a quick succession of beeping and clicks. Wheeljack, like the other recent arrivals had downloaded all available languages but still habitually slipped into speaking cybertronian.

Ratchet answered back and Wheeljack sat up and stared down at the human, switching to English as he spoke directly to Ratchet.

"Small isn't he? Will I be assigned one like bumblebee? The biological life forms on this planet are fascinating, do you think that I will be able to borrow one I need to condu…"

He got no further as Ratchet delivered a blow via one of the welders on the upside of his head. The resounding clang made Keller cringe instinctively and made way for Ratchets following rant.

"What were you thinking mixing unstable not to mention explosive chemicals in the base; wait what would you be thinking to mix them anywhere. I don't care what the motivation behind it was; you ignored all the protocols we had in place. We are just settling in on this planet and you decide to repay the humans by blowing them up the first chance you get."

"Well err... I don't think I blew any one but me up. I did do a sweep of the area first."

Another clang echoed through the base.

"Whether or not you to scanned the area is irrelevant you caused damage to the base that now needs to be rebuilt and further more you endangered not only your own life but those of the other mechs and humans too. What if some one had come to check on you after you scanned the area? You wouldn't have known and I would be stuck in here not only having to weld your sorry parts back together but prevent someone else from joining the matrix too. All because you couldn't wait for your blast proof lab to be built, and yes you were going to get a lab and I do emphasise blast proof but right now I think that is the last thing on everybody's mind considering you BLEW UP THE BASE!"

Keller flinched as Ratchet continued to rant at the poor mechanic who was now shuffling further back against the wall as though that might save him from the medics wrath.

Forgotten in all the commotion he slowly inched his way to the door, reminding himself **never** to get on the medics bad side.

He turned and began to head back to the human rec-room when a sheepish looking Sideswipe caught his eye. He seemed to have something huge and yellow stuck directly behind him. Keller chose the best option and decided not to ask.

"Er...Ratchets not in a good mood is he?" Sideswipe tentatively peaked round the corner of the door.

Keller grinned at the understatement of the year and shook his head before walking back off down the corridor.

Sunstreaker pushed Sideswipe around and glanced towards the med bay doors.

"I don't care what the squishy says. I am NOT staying stuck to you for another astrosecond and next time you decide to prank Ironhide leave me and welders out of it!"

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Thanks for reading

Comments, improvements, random stuff. All appreciated .


	2. Sideswipes Revenge Part 1

Hi again! This originally was only planned as a one shot but I though that Sides needed the revenge :D.

Thank you so much to those people that reviewed; **flamingmarsh**, **Starstreak 777**, **Niteskye**, **Ted** and **Fire From Above**. It wasa really nice to come back and get positive reviews on my first story for this fandom XD.

Thank you also to the people that added it to their favourites list; **Elric24**, **SkyHighFan** and **flamingmarsh. **

Hope you enjoy the next part!__

_**Sideswipes Revenge part 1**_

oOoOoOo

Sideswipe sat alone in the far end of the hanger that the Autobots frequently used to relax in. It was one of the few places, till the majority of the base was rebuilt, that could hold more than one Autobot at a time and so was used as a temporary 'hang out' as Sam and Mikaela put it.

Really there were two mechs he had to get back at this time, Ironhide, for welding him and his twin aft to aft, and Ratchet for refusing to separate them and leaving them like that for another 3 hours.

How to get them both though? He thought up paint bombs, rearranging all of Ratchet's tools, and Ironhide's weapon collection, but it was all too obvious. He needed a prank that was more inventive than that, one that he would be willing to be put in the newly constructed brig for. _(1.)_

He grinned, an idea springing to mind, maybe just maybe…

oOoOoOo

Ratchet walked into the med bay, for once it was clean, no tool out of place, this was the **only** reason he had allowed himself a short break to get some Energon to refuel. Still it had been quiet for along time now since the Wheeljack and the twin's fiascos.

So far Wheeljack hadn't dare show his face around the CMO and the twins, perhaps after having the embarrassment of being stuck together for a further 3 hours before Ratchet intervened, were surprisingly quiet too. For the time being Ratchet wasn't too bothered as long as the base didn't explode and the med bay remained spotless.

Although the only reason the base hadn't exploded was probably due to the fact that Wheeljack was currently too busy with the humans, he'd been fascinated by them since he first arrived. It wasn't as though he hadn't seen sentient organic life before, but what seemed to interest the mechanic was how they thrived despite being so apparently fragile. Ratchet agreed with him, but although humans were fragile creatures he certainly saw them as anything but weak, especially from the way they had taken down Blackout in mission city. Still, knowing Wheeljack, to go even a few days without an explosion of some sort was a small miracle in its self despite the distraction.

Lost in his musings, Ratchet almost failed to see Ironhide slipping quietly past the doors. However when he did look up to see the large mech creeping down the corridor, with as much stealth and grace as a bull in a china shop, he called out to him. If Ironhide was sneaking around it only meant one thing, something was wrong.

"What are you doing down here? Haven't you got your useless target range to set up outside of the base?"

Ironhide winced when he realised the medic had caught sight of him and he turned around slowly. His movement was slightly disjointed and ratchet saw the problem immediately.

"Fragger, you've gone and knocked your lower joint out of place again haven't you?"

"No."

Oblivious, Ratchet continued. "And like usual you though you would sneak off and not inform me. Do you know how much more work I have to do to fix your knee joint when you walk on it first? If you come to me straight away I can fix it easily, but no, like usual you try to sneak off and hide it. Do you like creating work for me?"

"It's not that bad." He grumbled sullenly.

"Not that bad! Weren't you listening to a thing I just said? Or have your processors glitched? I didn't realise you were a qualified medic."

Ironhide just grunted in reply.

"I decide whether or not its bad and I decide whether or not to treat you. So you come to me first. Understood?"

"Are you going to treat me or not then doc?" Ironhide was in no mood to put up with Ratchet especially after only just being repainted after the twins little stunt.

Ratchets mood had gone from surprisingly calm to fragged off in less than five minutes and he glowered at Ironhide and pointed to the med bay.

"You are lucky I decide to fix you at all. If it weren't for me you would be a pile of rusting parts by now." He grumbled as he helped Ironhide onto one of the tables.

Ironhide decided not to annoy the medic any further and wisely held his tongue as Ratchet went to one of the draws to get something to help ease the joint back into place.

"I suppose you want this to be pain free too," he grumbled but with a small touch of amusement as he leaned across Ironhide to turn off his pain receptors.

At least he wasn't throwing things Ironhide thought; he must have been in a really good mood when he caught him. Pity he didn't feel in the mood to goad the medic further, normally it was fun to watch him go off after a few minutes of relentless teasing. So Ironhide sat back and waited for Ratchet to begin.

_Thwack_

Ironhide looked down to see a small laser cutter stuck to his leg just above the injured knee joint. Ratchet frowned and pulled it off giving Ironhide a strange look in the process.

_Thunk_

Something heavier from the draw was now attached to his leg. This time Ironhide pulled the wrench off.

"What the slag's going on Ratchet, I didn't realise you now had tools that threw themselves at the patients!"

Ratchet pulled off the next metal object that had decided to stick its self to Ironhide.

"I don't, although that would be a useful invention and would save me a lot of time." he grumbled.

Ratchet yanked Ironhide away from the draw, and the barrage of objects attaching themselves to Ironhide stopped.

"What the frag was that about?" Ironhide muttered.

Ratchet pulled the knee joint back into place with a click and a small shudder from Ironhide. It might not hurt but it felt horrible, one of the reasons he hated to get it fixed. Ratchet then looked it over and pulled something small and black out from the space above the injured joint.

"This is your problem, why the frag are you sticking magnets on yourself? I dread to think what you would be acting like if this had been anywhere near your processor. Then again it might have been an improvement."

Ironhide scowled, "And why exactly would I be sticking magnets on myself?"

"I don't know, you seem to like the attention, but if I were you I would keep William Lennox's sparkling away from your vital components from now on. This has more likely got here through her ministrations than anything else."

Ironhide grunted; "Whatever doc, I'm fixed now, can I go?" he huffed.

Not waiting for an answer he hopped off the table and walked out of the med bay doors ignoring Ratchets warnings; to take it easy on that joint for a few days and to come back in later so that his pain receptors could be on lined, when the discomfort was down to a tolerable level.

oOoOoOo

Sideswipe was in the monitor room grinning at the screen, Red Alert sat scrunched miserably in the corner, eyes never leaving the monitors he could view from this position. The threat of Sunstreaker was enough to keep him quiet for now.

Sideswipe leaned closer to the monitor, what was the fun in planting one small magnet when you could plant two big electro-magnets he smirked as he casually flipped a switch.

oOoOoOo

Ironhide had walked a fair distance down the corridor before he heard a slight buzzing of something powering up. It was the only warning he got, as his legs decided they couldn't resist the attractive force of one another and they were pulled together at lightning speed.

oOoOoOo

Ironhide's legs had snapped together at the knees, leaving him looking like some human desperate for the bathroom. Sideswipe couldn't hold back his laughter anymore, Red Alerts eyes snapped over to him and he launched himself up off the floor.

"Where are they? Where are they?" he panicked, scanning the monitors for the impending Decepticon forces he was sure to see there.

Sideswipe still laughing helplessly, pointed at the screen on which Ironhide had fallen over on and was still trying to stand.

One down, one to go he thought gleefully.

oOoOoOo

_(1.) It should be taken note here that yes there was a brig despite the fact that the base had been destroyed in that section. Prowl was adamant that a new brig be built immediately, as their number one priority after the explosion. With the twins around who could blame him for this request._

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Thanks for reading stay tuned for the next chapter. Oh and again if you've got any Comments, improvements, random stuff its all appreciated. :)


	3. Sideswipes Revenge Part 2

_--Hammering at my front door--_

"_Yeh hello?"_

"_We've come to take you away for good for failing to state that you don't own the Transformers and that you were only borrowing the characters."_

"_Noooo I __**do**__ own them!!"_

_--is dragged away--_

Yeh I kinda forgot to put a disclaimer at the beginning so here it is;

I **(do)** do not own transformers I am simply **(glomping)** using the characters for a while.

* * *

WOW to the amount of reviews XD I would just like to say thank you to those people who have reviewed; **Duvet**,**Fire From Above**, **Corona 1**,**flamingmarsh**, **caz,** **dandyparakeet** and **StarSwoop****. **

Reviews are what fuels the fire XD

Also thank you to; **lambotwinlove****, ****Corona 1 **and **StarSwoop **for adding it as a favourite.

Much love to you all and I'm so glad you like it :D.

_**Sideswipes Revenge part 2 **_

oOoOoOo

Sideswipe decided, as he watched Ironhide fall over for the 6th time, that the best thing on this planet so far was magnets. Red Alert stood next to him staring at the screen in shock.

"It's a plot, I knew it." Red Alert whispered his voice gradually getting louder.

Sideswipe ignored him and began to download the footage, Sunstreaker might be in a mood with him at the moment but after seeing this he would be in hysterics.

"Look, it's the Decepticons! I knew they were up to something, they've got Ironhide! He can't even stand up," Red Alert was slowly getting more and more hysterical.

"Sideswipe do something while I alert the others, don't just sit there! Can't you see we're under attack!"

"Yeh, Decepticons whatever." Said Sideswipe distractedly, not really paying any attention to Red Alert.

Red backed up slowly "You're in on it too, aren't you?"

He glanced around the room quickly trying to determine if there were any Decepticons about to sneak up on him.

Finally the video downloaded and Sideswipe turned to Red Alert.

"Yes Red I'm in on it, we all are." Sideswipe replied dryly.

Red Alerts processor began to spark as his systems glitched hearing that.

"Now, not a word to anyone about me being here. Ok? Or I'll throw you out to the Decepticons." He smirked turning away from Red Alert.

Red Alert shook and recoiled in horror.

"You wouldn't dare!" He stepped quickly away from Sideswipe "Prime wouldn't let you."

Sideswipe grinned; winding up Red Alert was easy.

"Who said Prime would have to know, who said Prime wasn't part of the plot too."

That was too much for poor Red Alert who keeled over in a corner shaking and muttering to himself as sparks danced over his cranial unit.

Sideswipe left the monitor room satisfied that Red Alert wouldn't be able to tell any one anything for days.

Red Alert was so highly strung that it was all too easy to wind him up, it was still funny though, especially as now he would have it in his head that Optimus Prime was the ring leader of some secrete Decepticon plot.

Now to get this tape to Sunstreaker, and enlist his help in finishing his pranking spree.

oOoOoOo

Ratchet heard a huge bang and then muffled groans from down the corridor, at first he paid no attention but after the 5th time he got up to investigate. What he saw made him stop in his tracks and check if his optics were malfunctioning.

Ironhide lay face first, down on the floor. It looked as though he was using the wall to try and push himself back to his feet; this was a nearly impossible task as his knees were apparently stuck to one another. Ratchet watched as he tried once more to push himself to his feet, failed and ended up tripping and landing face first on the corridor floor yet again.

"Fraggin' glitch…. Gonna,"

_Bang_

"…gonna find out who did this…."

_Crash_

"…slag"

Finally Ratchet snapped into action and hauled Ironhide up by his arms to allow him to stand awkwardly. This in itself was no mean feet, as Ironhide was nearly one and a half times Ratchets weight. Ratchet struggled to hold him up; it's the cannons he thought, the slagging cannons.

oOoOoOo

Sunstreaker sat lounging in front of the huge TV in the Rec-room, a lead extending from him to the new Xbox 360 plugged into said TV. They'd, or rather Wheeljack had tried making controllers large enough for them to play with yesterday. However as most of Wheeljacks pet projects, it didn't turn out so well and the mechanic was lucky to keep both his hands in working order after that little disaster. Since then Sunstreaker had given up, and simply plugged himself directly into the game.

No doubt Ratchet would throw a fit if he ever found out, claiming that there were all sorts of viruses that could be downloaded into his system with his firewalls down and the internet running. Sunstreaker didn't care, as far as he was concerned a few squishies couldn't make his systems crash.

At the moment he was busy playing Halo 3, overall he didn't like it as much as Grand Theft Auto 4 but someone, he suspected Glen, had scratched the disk and it wouldn't start.

Sideswipe poked his head round the door and gave Sunstreaker his most disarming smile.

"What ya doing Sunny?" He asked managing to sound playful.

"Get fragged, and no before you ask I do not want to take part in any more of your idiotic schemes, my paint job is still recovering from last time. Look at my aft! I don't think it will ever be the same." Sunstreaker moodily turned back to the TV.

Sideswipe looked at his vain twin, he would normally retort with some comment about cloning Sunnys' face and then using that as a new aft because no one would be able to tell the difference, but he thought better of it this time. It wouldn't help or sway his brother into joining him.

"How could you think so lowly of me brother?" Sideswipe replied mocking hurt and holding his spark. "Can I not just say hello to my brother once in a while?"

Sunstreaker glared at him. "No, you only talk to me like that if you want something, like me to join you in another one of you insane games."

Sideswipe grinned dropping all pretences.

"Ok you know me too well, but just take a look at this, it might make you reconsider." He smirked handing the recording over to his twin and walking out of the door.

It wouldn't be long till Sunstreaker came round after watching that video, he thought as he headed back to his room.

oOoOoOo

Ratchet helped Ironhide back to the med bay, where he took up his previous position on the berth.

"Well are you going to say this was me too, or maybe Annabelle did this? I'm sure she's more than capable." Sarcasm dripped off every word and Ironhide glowered at the medic.

"Don't look at me like that, this has the twins written all over it."

Ratchet leaned in to have a closer look at Ironhide's knee and scanned it again.

"Nothing out of the ordinary is showing up. There must be a cloaking device somewhere foxing my scanners."

Ratchet fiddled around trying to prise the knee joints further away from one another so he could get a clear look. Ironhide shifted and winced as the COM's hands dug into his armour.

"Stop shuffling around; it's bad enough that your knees are locked in this position without making it even harder for me to see anything."

"Well maybe if you had checked my knee joins properly the first time this wouldn't have happened!" Ironhide retorted.

"Don't you pin this on me. Does the word cloaking device mean anything to you? I did check thoroughly, and you were the one who was sneaking past the med bay trying not to get fixed in the first place," all of a sudden Ratchet threw down his tools. "I can't do anything like this." He growled.

For a moment Ironhide thought Ratchet was just going to leave him stuck together like this.

"I need some thing to prise your knees apart with. Hopefully once the magnets are far enough apart the force won't be as strong and you will be able to hold your legs like that so I can fix them."

Ratchet stepped away and searched for anything he could use. There were some slender support poles in the corner. They had been temporally been stored, against Ratchets wishes and strong suggestions otherwise, in a corner of the med bay for the rebuild taking place at the base.

They won't mind them being slightly out of shape, and it might teach people not to use the med bay as some kind of warehouse in future, Ratchet thought smugly.

He walked back over to Ironhide holding three of the poles in his hand. Ironhide eyed him nervously.

"Are you sure this is going to work?"

"Have you got any better ideas? Because I would love to hear them if you did." Ratchet snapped back, fitting the support poles in-between Ironhide's thighs.

Ironhide remained silent but dubious and Ratchet managed to work the poles down to the knee joint to use as a crude leaver.

"Ready?" he muttered

Ironhide nodded and Ratchet began pushing the poles down. Surprisingly it began to work and Ironhide's knees were pushed further and further apart.

Using one hand on the leaver to maintain the force Ratchet shifted his other hand to the closest knee and pulled back to increase the distance.

When Ratchet judged that Ironhide's knees were as far as they could possibly be apart without causing structural damage he stopped.

"Can you hold it there?"

"Just about." Ironhide grunted in reply.

The force pulling his knees back together was no where near as strong but it still took some of his strength to hold his legs in position while Ratchet worked.

Ratchet first concentrated on finding the cloaking device, then he could be sure of what he was dealing with.

oOoOoOo

Sideswipe idly waltzed down the corridor. He had first thought twice about walking past the med bay to his room, but considering his plan for Ratchet was only in the making he figured he had nothing to fear from the cranky CMO.

As he sauntered past the med bay he glanced in and had to do a double take. Ironhide had his legs spread wide open and Ratchet was doing _what_ between them.

He froze as his CPU tried and failed to come up for an explanation of what he could see. Shuffling round the corner a bit he could now see clearly what Ratchet was doing, he was working on Ironhide's knee.

Damn it should have taken longer for Ironhide to crawl his way back to the med bay he thought. They both must surely suspect him now, meaning that he would have to keep a low profile for the next few days.

"Can you hurry it up doc; I can't hold my legs like this forever." The strain was evident in the weapon specialists voice at it drifted towards Sideswipes audios.

So they hadn't turned the magnets off yet. Excellent!

Sideswipe stepped into the med bay.

"Ugh, you two really need to get a room, I mean any one could walk in on you here."

Ratchet inclined his head so he could see Sideswipe, hand still on Ironhide's knee joint. However Ironhide's reaction was a lot more animated.

As he spotted sideswipe he made as if to stand up to get to the bot. However, he had to pull his legs together to achieve the desired motion, and this sent both of his knees on a direct collision course again, this time though with a slight difference as Ratchets had was still in the way.

"Aaaaaggghhhh!! Fragging glitch. I told you not to move!" Was Ratchets startled yell as Ironhide fell off the table with Ratchets hand now firmly jammed between his knees.

Sideswipe cracked up laughing as more curses echoed from both bots as they failed miserably to regain their positions.

Eventually they were able to rearrange themselves sensibly on the floor, yelling in unison at Sideswipe and vainly trying to pull away from one another.

Sideswipe hightailed it down the corridor before the mechs could coordinate themselves into coming after him.

"Come back here! When I get my hand on you there won't be enough parts for Ratchet to rebuild you as an alarm clock you sorry excuse for a glitch!" Echoed down the corridor.

This was perfect. Sideswipes prank had not only got the intended bot but now, Ratchet too. For a moment he entertained the thought of calling his other plan in the making off, he had already pretty much had his revenge.

Suddenly his com beeped.

**IDENT Sunstreaker**: _Ok you got my attention, what were you planning?_

Of course though Sideswipe had to be fair, he grinned, his twin hadn't had **his** revenge yet.

**IDENT Sideswipe**: _Glad you reconsidered sunshine, meet me at our quarters._

**IDENT Sunstreaker**: _On my way, and don't call me sunshine, unless you want to loose the use of both of your arms._

**IDENT Sideswipe**: _Love you too buttercup._

All Sideswipe received in response was static.

This was working out better than expected.

oOoOoOo

* * *

Wow long chapter XD

Thanks for reading again and stay tuned for more. Oh and again if you've got any Comments, improvements, random stuff its all appreciated. :)


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